So, September TKA 35k Challenge is going really well so far. I've written 24,864/35k words as of right now, and TrackBear tells me I only need to write 676 words a day to complete the challenge/goal by the end of the month, but I'll likely have it finished sooner than that. 676 words is only a little over a page.

The PROBLEM is that this was supposed to be my last run at finishing TKA completely and... yeah. I don't think it's going to happen. I'm already at 231 pages and 117,329 words all together and I'm like... NOWHERE NEAR DONE. I have AT LEAST another 35k to go. AT LEAST. Which is ridiculous for an urban fantasy/romance that was originally supposed to be aimed at the YA audience but I think has since switched to just the A audience. :|

AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING. WHO GAVE TKA PERMISSION TO SWING SO WILDLY INTO A STRAIGHT-UP ROMANCE NOVEL?? NOT ME. There was supposed to be WAY more fantasy with romance as the subgenre, but NOPE. TKA IS OFFICIALLY A ROMANCE BOOK WITH FANTASY AS THE SUBGENRE. SO. *THROWS HANDS IN THE AIR* I GUESS!!

...I actually don't mind THAT much, I'm having fun writing the cute romance scenes and the fluffy stuff, it just kind of hit me out of the blue the other day that TKA had veered WILDLY off course on me. Then again, Freefall and My Zombie are going to be largely romance novels, too, so like. Maybe I'm just a Fantasy Romance Author now. Maybe that's a thing that's happening. .__.;;

Other than TKA (and my ongoing SPN series), my other big project is Of The Deepest Dye. I wrote the Prologue to OTDD like fifteen years ago on a whim and then never did anything with it, but it stuck in the back of my mind all this time (along with some of my other unfinished Valdemar fics), and I finally decided to have a go at writing it.

When I wrote the Prologue, the only characters I had figured out where Gwydion (my standard Grove Born Stallion) and Nero (the Black Grove Born Stallion), and I had a vague idea that he only appeared in times of great crisis for Valdemar, but not what the specific crisis WAS in OTDD or any of the other characters, because that's definitely how you write a story. Yep.

Anyway, so I came up with a loose plot that ends with a catastrophe and then created characters around that (Clint, Clear, Kayte, Henry, Shrike, Moira and Sprite) and their Companions (Jenial, none for Clear because she's a Healer, Bliss, Ceejay, Eskalynne, Gwydion because Moira is the Monarch's Own, and Rory) and then I started WRITING and FUCKING UP THEIR LIVES BWAHAHAHAHA. (Especially Clint. Poor Clint.) >3

Along the way other characters have popped up (Heraldic-Trainee/Crown Prince Emmett and his Companion, Avva; Bardic-Trainee Julian; Unaffiliated Student Raven; Heraldic-Trainee Milla and her Companion Uzziah; also a few very minor characters that have extensive backstories because that's how I roll) and so far writing is going really well. I'm most of the way through Chapter Six right now, and I'm currently at 122 pages and 60,189 words.

I'm writing the entire thing before I start posting it over on AO3, because that's my new jam, and right now I'm not working on it much because it's September TKA 35k Challenge Month, but it's coming along really nicely and I think (hope) it will go over well when I DO start to post it. FINGERS CROSSED.

As for my SPN fic series, I finished and edited Baby three weeks ago or so and it ended up like 54 pages long which is RIDICULOUS for a one-shot but whatever, and the next one up after TKA 35k Challenge Month is over is What Angels Dream, which I'm looking forward to writing. I don't really have anything written for it so far, just one short little scene that I don't even really like all that much so I might scrap it, so starting from a clean(ish) slate for once, yay!

The last SPN one-shot that I posted, almost two weeks ago, Echoes, went over pretty well. At least, it's getting a lot of hits compared to some of my other fics. My SPN stuff still isn't very popular, doesn't get much in the way of feedback, but what is DOES get is great, so I just hang my hat on that. I decided a long time ago that I'm pretty much just writing these fics for myself, anyway, so it's fine. *shrug*

It's been like four days and I am still SO ANGRY at my brother over the message he screamed at me. All I did was point out that my previous message had been a joke and that he was being a jerk about it, and he CAME DOWN ON ME WITH THE WRATH OF GOD, you'd think I'd insulted his daughter or something ffs (I would never do that, fyi, why would I? I've never even met the kid, even though she just turned 8, I think.) And I also feel guilty because I know Mom's going to wear it on Friday when she picks him up for laundry and groceries because he can't just keep his grievances to himself, he has to blab them all over the place for everyone to hear.

But the most frustrating part is knowing that even when he DOES THAT, WHICH HE ABSOLUTELY WILL, Mom won't tell him to shut up and stop being as ass, that she doesn't want to hear it. Because I'm apparently the only one who is willing to call him on his absolute BULLSHIT, and even that is a more recent development. Everyone is afraid of his admittedly formidable temper, and/or of getting totally shut out by him, because he has a habit of blocking people who piss him off out of his life. Like, permanently. Just ask my Dad.

And as much as he royally ticks me off and frustrates me to no end with his selfishness, he IS my brother and I DO love him, and I DON'T want to spend the rest of my life with him not talking to me. So, like, what do I do here? Do I swallow down my anger and apologize for something I wasn't in the wrong on? Do I stick to my guns and risk getting frozen out? Do I just not say anything more about it and hope it all blows over with time, which, again, leaves me swallowing my anger and probably resenting him for it more and more over time? It's like being caught between a rock and a hard place except there's a rock and TWO hard places.

I just wish he could see how much his attitude and actions HURT other people. I can only hope he's better with his SECRET FAMILY that WE'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO MEET, since there's a child involved on that end. I may never have met her, but I have a certain level of affection for her anyway, just knowing she's my niece. But I don't see him flipping out around her anyway, apparently he's always been good around her... then again, this is coming from HIM, so how much can we really trust it? He wouldn't say even if he DID lose his temper around her.

Anyway. Yeah. So, basically, just... still SO pissed off at my brother, and equally pissed off that no one else will call him on his shit, so it just continues. I don't get why people don't understand that his temper is getting worse as he gets older and things can't continue the way they are.

I feel like my brother acts like he was spoiled rotten or never told "no" as a child, when I absolutely know that's not true. He was raised right, but he's always had this skewed view of the world where if everything doesn't go his way, or someone disagrees with his bullshit opinion/view of the world he completely loses his shit. Everything has to revolve around him, his wants, his needs, and fuck everyone else (except his secret family in TO.)

I tried explaining that people need to fucking CALL HIM ON HIS BULLSHIT to Mom, but I don't think she wants anything to do with it. She just wants things to go smoothly, no conflict, so she never argues with him over anything. I warned her that next time they get together, she was going to hear about me finally fucking calling him out on his B.S., and she got mad at ME because apparently I wasn't supposed to do that. Sorry, I was just giving you a heads' up, not asking to get yelled at for finally doing what no one else has the balls to do.

The problem is that my brother has quite a temper, and no one wants to mess with that I think because they think he could be dangerous; and I can see that. But he's just getting worse as the years go by and it's not tolerable anymore. At least not to me.

Anyway. Moving on.

The whole thing with Juna and his new RFID auto feeder is going REALLY well so far. He's right in the habit of going to the feeder whenever he's hungry, and that's turning out to be about four times during daylight hours and 6-8 times overnight. He never eats much at a time, but it adds up, you know?

He seems to be FEELING better, and grooming more, and he appears brighter, even if he isn't gaining weight yet (it's only been two weeks, I'm sure the weight will come.) Then on Fridays he and Pluto get soft food for dinner as a treat (last night was chicken and duck formula) and he really enjoys those days as well (so does Pluto, but Pluto is a walking trash can, he would eat anything lol) even if it puts him off his kibble for a couple hours afterward.

So basically, it cost me $210 but this feeder was worth EVERY PENNY and I am still seriously considering just buying a second one for Pluto. :D

Other than that...

I'm still working on TKA because September is 35k TKA Challenge month, but I'm up to 22,369 words so far and not even close to done, and I'm having flashbacks to JULY TKA Challenge because I am not going to get this project put to bed by the end of September. I literally have no idea how long TKA is going to end up being, at this point, but probably at least 150k, which is utterly ridiculous. Assuming it gets picked up by an agent/publisher I'll probably have to pare it down quite a bit because this is ridiculous.

I mean, I'm having fun WRITING IT, and it would KILL ME to cut parts out, but realistically I know that's what I'll probably have to do. There's just so much that I want to include, storyline-wise, I'm having trouble leaving anything out. =/

My fucking brother. Man. I love him, but sometimes I really hate him, too. He can be the most selfish person on the planet, everything has to revolve around him and his wants and needs, no opinion is correct except his, fuck everyone else, that kind of thing.

A few days ago he texted me pictures of a couple of glasses that just came out from the place he works and the text said "I have something you might be interested in" and they were Halloween black cat glasses so I was like YES PLEASE OMG I WANT THEM. And then I didn't hear from him, not a single word, for over a week. So, I sent him a message on FB like "you can't send me pics like that and then not pony up :P lol" just joking, and apparently he got SUPER MAD AT ME, according to Mom, and decided to ignore me after that.

Last night I sent him another FB message that said "Mom says you're mad at me for my last message, don't be an asshole. I was just fucking joking why do you think it ended with a ':P lol'??"

AND HE EXPLODED AT ME. "THIS IS WHY I DON'T USE FB MESSENGER, IT CUTS THE MESSAGES OFF ON MY PHONE AND THEN I DON'T SEE THEM ALL, ALSO I'M IN TO RIGHT NOW CELEBRATING MY DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY, YAY ME, YAY US, EXCEPT YOU'RE SHITTING ALL OVER IT, GREAT TIME TO BE A FUCKING BITCH" etc.

And I'm like... okay, first of all? I had no Goddamn idea you were in TO OR that it was your daughter's BIRTHDAY today, so don't put that on me like I did it on purpose. I thought you were at home playing games on your computer jfc. Second, it's not MY FAULT that you don't click through to read the whole messages when you get them from FB! That's you being lazy! You know I can't send texts from my phone because the keypad is too small and my hands shake! It's a FUCKING medical problem, THAT'S why I use FB messenger! And third, tell your daughter I said Happy Birthday, if that's not too bitchy a thing to say.

I didn't actually send most of that, just the part about wishing his daughter a Happy Birthday but like FUCK ME, step out of your self-obsessed, selfish little bubble for just a minute. The world exists beyond YOU and your fucking SECRET FAMILY that WE'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO MEET.

Like I don't even know how to approach this with him in a way that won't make him cut me out of his life entirely. He has a tendency to do that with people who don't agree with him. And Mom is going to hear about it next Friday when she takes him out to do groceries, and then I'M going to hear it from HER.

You literally can't call him on his bullshit or he blows his top at you and it's got to fucking stop. Last night I was so angry I cried.